I can’t help but wonder…Did I do something wrong? Say the wrong thing? Bore you to death?
Something had to have happened. I feel like I’ve lost you. You don’t visit me anymore. You don’t write. And when we talk, your eyes glaze over like a Krispy Kreme doughnut. Heck, you’re probably thinking about Krispy Kreme doughnuts while I’m talking. (You’re certainly thinking about them now, aren’t you? Mmmmm. Warm, sticky, ooey-gooey goodness.)
I realize, however, that it takes two to tango. It’s true. I tried it by myself once, but I nearly cracked my skull when I failed to hold myself during the dip. So I take full responsibility for my role in this crumbling relationship. I neglected you for quite some time. I know this. And I’m sorry. A regular blogger, I am not.
But, since I’ve never once accepted fault for anything without some darn good defensive statements that contradict my self-accountability (just ask my husband), here are…
The Top Ten Reasons I Suck at Blogging
10. I’ve been doing a lot of research about writing – both regarding the skills needed and business aspects of the craft.
9. My dog ate my internet modem.
8. I forgot which of my usernames and passwords I used for my blog, then forgot which of my three email accounts the hint would’ve been sent to, then realized I’d set all three accounts to automatically delete anything sent to my junk mail because spam makes me crazy.
7. I couldn’t come up with anything clever or interesting to say.
6. My blogsite was tagged by the FBI as having possible criminal coded activity and an investigation was launched, during which time I was not allowed to post anything new.
5. I purchased a couple of books from Half Priced Books and subsequently ignored the world around me until I finished them.
4. Instead of chilling and writing a blog when I come home from my part time job at night (which is around midnight, but I can’t just fall into bed – I need chill time first), I watch Spartacus: Blood and Sand and drool over Andy Whitfield in all his half-naked gladiator glory. For reals. Google him. He’s yummy.
3. My cat didn’t understand the difference and ate my computer mouse.
2. I’ve been having an affair with Mr. Chuck Wendig. Okay, not really him per se, but rather his blog Terribleminds. As with everything else, when I find something I likey, I get a little obsessed…ey. Whatever. Go check him out. I dig him. Er, his writing. (Warning: only those who favor loads of Truck Driver Vernacular and enjoy witty, yet twisted, metaphors on topics such as writing and mystical beards need apply)
And the Number One Reason I Suck at Blogging is……..
1. Look, I have a full time job, part time job, a husband, 2 kids and 2 cats, all of which demand most of my time. The meager amount that remains in the day is divided (though not equally, by far) between the rewrites of my novel and this blog. Cut me some slack….Please.
So there you have it, folks. All the reasons (okay, only a handful of those are actually true. i’ll let you decide which is which) I suck at blogging. That being said, I fully intend to get better at this shindig. I’m going to try for at least one good post a week, hopefully more. But I’m warning you, if your eyes don’t start clearing up and you keep looking through me without a word…I might just give up on this wonderful thing we have.